her vagine was all disorganized.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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