My hair reeks of homosexuality.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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