Welp...herpes.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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