This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
