It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
