Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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