You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
