she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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