He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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