why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Randomize
