I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
