I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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