im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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