I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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