I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
