I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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