and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
