just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
