guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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