My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i wish my penis had a tongue
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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