I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
