dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
