Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
