I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
