I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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