i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
