We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
