i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
love makes seman taste better
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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