then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
