Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
