I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
