Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
