They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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