I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
