Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize