I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
