you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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