Cold hands, warm shart.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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