you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Randomize
