I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize