So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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