Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
