you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
