i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
