i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
