I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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