I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Someone shattered a urinal.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
