I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
