Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Randomize
