i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
