take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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