I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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