I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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