Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
