I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
