It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
