Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
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