woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Randomize
