you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
