at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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