No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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